You never know what tomorrow will bring

In the Sicilian countryside

Around this time last year, I was traveling a lot. I went on trips to the United States, Napoli, and Barcelona, and every time I would arrive back to Palermo, I would break down crying before I even made it back to my apartment.

I was in a very bad place, upset about how some things were going, and how others simply weren’t. I didn’t feel like I had much to look forward to, and I couldn’t see how that situation would change. I even wrote and published a poem here on this blog, detailing how I would make calendars for myself, always counting down the days until hopefully something would change, something would be better. Anything.

You can read that blog here.

The thing is, the very next day after I published that blog, something did change. The very day after I yet again cried myself to sleep, exorcising some of the deep pain I was feeling, is that same day that I starting dating my boyfriend. And our relationship in a very real way saved me.

I remember how low I was feeling that night, how hopeless I felt. I had experienced it many other days and nights before. What I didn’t know at the time, was that I just had to get to tomorrow.

It is very difficult, and believe me I know, because we don’t know if “tomorrow” is coming in two days or in six months. It is so difficult to keep pushing, to keep giving so much of ourselves to a world and seeming to receive nothing back. Even now, I still have doubts and questions and fears. I wonder how long it will take me to get a job, or for my YouTube channel to take off, or if it even will. However, the only choice I am left with is to keep going. To keep waking up and going to work and making videos and getting out and about in Palermo. Because one day, I have to believe that the effort will pay off. That I will get the job, that my YouTube channel will be successful, and that I will be able to continue building the life of my dreams. Because if I stop, if I give up now, then I certainly never will.

I recently returned from the United States yet again. I made it all the way home and into the shower before I realized that I hadn’t cried. That I hadn’t been dreading returning here and facing what was in front of me. That I had actually been looking forward to it. That I couldn’t wait to be back home.

I wrote that blog one year ago. Tomorrow is our first anniversary.

I don’t know when the other things will break through, when or if some of my dreams will come through. But one of these days, something will happen. One of these days, I will get the job, I will have the success, I will have my life that I worked so hard to build. I just have to get to tomorrow.

Because you never know what tomorrow will bring.

love,

greer