But why are you jealous when you know how this ends?

Palermo, Sicily

Somehow, slowly, I’m moving on

I want to let go, but then I see you

and I am thrown back into that place.

Where I am jealous

and it hurts.

To think you care more of others.

You go out of your way for strangers

but not for the person who gave you her all.

I never asked you for an obligation.

And I didn’t ask you to be mine,

even though you felt fine telling me what to do.

I just wanted to be able to trust you.

and thus I am thrust

back into that place of resentment.

The very last thing I want to do

is to be continuously thinking of you.

Why do I still resent you, then?

Because you permeate everything I do.

I resent you.

For making me question others, to think you are with them.

of not being able to trust my friends, because how maybe you have made them

your secret-keepers, too.

I used to be jealous of them, and angry at you.

and angry at them, too.

I wondered if you treated them the same.

Or maybe is was just me you used

and threw away.

I envied any tenderness you showed them.

when I should have felt bad for them.

Since now I know what is coming next.

I resent that I am still living with the repercussions and that you don’t care.

But as I re-enter my life, I’m slowly letting that go, too.

So instead of being jealous when I see you with other girls,

and wondering if you are with them, too

It would be much simpler if you could give me a list

so that I can refer them to my gynecologist.