On Regrets

Little Italy, Cleveland

In Italian, there are two words for regret.

There is the regret for things you did that wish you hadn’t done. And there is the regret for not having done things you wish you had. The second is the one I wish to examine.

I have given many things a good try, but there are still those that I passed on, or was too shy, or let anxious imaginings convince me to do otherwise. They pull at my heart. Sometimes, I find them so difficult to bear.

When I find it painful to look back, I try to keep in mind that, these regrets? They are only imaginings - how things could have gone. How I imagine I would have had so much fun doing this or that, or that if I had chosen x over y, z would have happened. But who knows? It didn’t happen, after all.

I always imagine the things that didn’t occur going great, but they also could have gone badly. We can never know what might’ve been, and that goes for both potential goodness and otherwise. This teaches us to be grateful for what we do have.

This is what I tell myself when I can’t sleep at night, and my mind turns to ruminating on the things I “should have” done. I should have been braver, I should have been more outgoing, I should have…

It is truly useless to think this way. To pretend we could divine an alternate reality. And to be honest, I am glad where I am in my life, where I have been, and where (it seems) I am going. On my good days, I feel happy and at peace. I try to always be grateful. Of course I have my bad days, too. As we all do.

So these regrets? They are more like opportunities that I feel I have “missed.” Things I didn’t take advantage of, for one reason (excuse) or another. When I said “no,” and I wish I would’ve said “yes,” - at least just to say I gave it a try.

So as painful as it can be, to look back and imagine what maybe, theoretically, “could have,” maybe been had everything gone the way I envisioned it (because, remember, who knows how it might've turned out), I try to remember this feeling when I am caught hesitating to try something new. I am struck by that pang in my gut that tells me, “If you don’t take this opportunity, you will regret it. If you don’t give it a shot, you will always wonder.” Thinking this way, especially lately, has been propelling me forward, changing my perspective from asking “why should I,” to asking, “why not?”

Take the chance. It might just be exactly what you hoping for.

love,

greer