If I am a diamond...

Palermo, Sicily

Last year, I was unappreciated by someone in my life. And it was clear to everyone who heard about it that I was. For a long time, I knew something was off, but I couldn’t put into words what I was feeling. That is because, I was trying to understand this other person’s words and actions in the context of my own worldview. I had assumed that even if we did not have the same exact opinions, that we at least shared common ground on the things that mattered. And despite the accumulating evidence to the contrary, it took me a very long time to figure out that we did not.

I finally understood the root of what I was feeling when I told a friend of mine, “But I am a diamond.”

I would ruminate for hours: “but look at me, but look at all the things I have done.” I was trying to hype myself up to an empty room, trying convince myself I was the most beautiful person in the mirror. And while I could acknowledge my successes and recognize my achievements, I would ultimately be crushed, because there was one person to whom none of it seemed to matter.

None of this is to say I thought I was the best person in the world, or better than someone else (and sadly, I was given many people to compare myself to). But it was the disconnect in that I knew I was valuable in my inherent worth, and yet did not feel valued. And I think we all have inherent worth, and that we all deserve to be treated and respected as such.

But what this experience taught me, one of many lessons it has taught and continues to teach me, is that that may be true. But it does not mean that everyone will see that, or understand that, or care.

Because you can be a diamond, or a ruby, or an emerald. But to some people, you will only ever be a stone. They will not care that you shine, or that you are one-of-a-kind. It doesn’t make you less valuable. And it doesn’t necessarily mean something bad about them. It just means that you are not the treasure they are seeking. Or maybe, they just think that they are the treasure. When really, in any kind of relationship, it is more important that both parties see the value in both themselves and in one another.

Unfortunately, while some people will just ignore you, or use you, others will try to dull your shine, or stomp out your light altogether; break you apart until you feel so unwelcome that you will just go away. After such an incident, a good friend of mine told me: “You can’t expect everyone to like you.” To take a complex situation down to its core; there is a sobering truth at the heart of this statement.

The truth is, there are some people who will never see how special we are. But that does not mean we aren’t special, and it certainly doesn’t mean we aren’t deserving of love. It just means not everyone is seeking the same type of treasure. What is important is to recognize those disconnects as soon as possible, and as difficult as it may be, to say goodbye and leave them behind. Because you can’t convince a gold collector to start mining sapphires.

What is important to remember, however, is that to some people, you are the most valuable thing in the world. To some people, you are the most precious soul, their best friend, their sister, their son. To someone, you are on whom they rely. There is someone in the world who would be lost without you. Even if you don’t feel it, it’s true. There are people who see how beautiful you are, how kind you are, how funny you are. Focus on them. Spend your time with them.

Walk towards the people who see you as you are, who will stand by you on your sunshine days and on your sad ones. Who will tell others about the gem of a person you are.

And most importantly, remember, that you are the most important person to yourself. Because if I am a diamond, then I know exactly how much I am worth. And it is up to me to decide who can get close enough to see me shine.

love,

greer