Consumption, Combustion

Villa Bonanno, Palermo

I don’t have insomnia anymore. I’m too tired.

By the time dinner is over, albeit Italian dinner, so late into the evening, it takes all my willpower just to take my makeup off, and by the time I’m in my bed, I must consciously remember to set my alarm before being overtaken by tiredness.

Because I’m actually getting sufficient rest, or almost sufficient, when I do wake up, I’m ready to face the day. I can’t get ready to go out fast enough. Since I have realized that in order to be satisfied I must follow my creative instincts, I have been devoting my time to discovering as much as possible about the creative space of today and that of the past. And perhaps most importantly, that of the future. And it’s overwhelming.

There is so much to discover, so many incredibly innovative artists who are creating new space for their work, moving beyond what we imagined as possible. Constantly and consistently surprising us.

Artists, writers, musicians, designers, stylists, photographers, editors, directors, those who do several of these “jobs” at once, and similarly those whose work is beyond classification.

My eyes are seeing new things, my ears are hearing new sounds they never have heard before. I am feeling and experiencing art as a whole in an entirely new way, since I see the world around me as an artist myself.

I used to have a new song on my phone, and after a few seconds of impatience, I would skip to the middle to see if I cared for the beat. Now, I let it unfold in my ears, appreciating the development of sound and letting the waves wash into my brain.

I am consuming more material than ever, listening to a myriad of audiobooks and new musical finds while traversing the city. I like to do something new (almost) everyday, whether that’s visiting an art exhibit or trying a new café; they are both new experiences. They will challenge me to do something new, to experience a new environment. And even when I go somewhere I’ve been before, I am different and have grown from when I was there the last time. And so it is new again.

There is so much to discover, and to create, but there is not enough time. I’m not even habitually drinking coffee anymore, and yet I can feel the adrenaline emitting from my soul. I don’t even need coffee. I’m so hyped up and excited to see what new things are waiting for me each day, my excitement is all the caffeine I need. In fact, coffee would probably just put me over the edge. I want to see it all, hear it all, feel everything possible that I can, and let out all the energy inside of me in the form of my art.

The unending saga of discovery - suggested songs, suggested artists - that I could click through indefinitely, is filling my brain, my heart, my blood, my body, at such an ever-increasing pace that the space is quickly filling up. I feel as though I’m on the brink of combustion. So, I let out the pressure, little by little, a poem, an essay, a series of photos, so that I have room to fill up again. But maybe combustion wouldn’t be the worst thing. To clear out all that space at once. What a beautiful expression of all that is in me that would be.

And then, I would begin again.

love,

greer