On Faith
Kurşunlu Waterfall, Türkiye
My boyfriend once told me I was depressed because, “You think you know how your life is going to turn out.”
Meaning, that I always expected the worst to happen. I always believed that I would never succeed, never conquer that obstacle, whatever it was, that was in front of me. Even, as he also reminded me, I have been able to face every challenge I’ve met so far in one way or another. He says that every day we are alive we still have a chance to keep going.
And he is right. He often is, but sometimes it takes me a long time and a lot of unnecessary pain before I realize it. Looking back to around that time, many of the things I was worried about have been resolved. I’ve been happier and more blessed in the last few weeks than I could have imagined when I was crying about how hopeless everything was a few months ago. And yet, that of course has not stopped the challenges and the obstacles from coming. However, I do feel a new spirit of resilience developing within me, and I am better able to confront those challenges now than I have been in the past.
What I began to understand about myself in the last few months was that I was feeling depressed because I didn’t have any hope in the future. I didn’t have faith…in anything. And that is a vicious spiral that can take you to a very dark place. It is a self-confirming theory: nothing good happens to me so I don’t try to make anything good happen…and then nothing good happens to me. It can be very, very hard to break yourself out of that mental trap.
It likewise takes a great amount of mental strength to realize you have two options: to live in fear of that worst-case scenario that may never happen, or to try to believe, to have faith - in something - that the best-case scenario is possible, too. That a mediocre scenario is also a possibility. The truth is we have no idea what is coming tomorrow. Life seems to remind us of that the moment we start to forget it. And much of what is going to happen is ultimately out of our control - entirely. What is in our control are our actions, in which we can try to do our best, be kind to others, and try to take a step forward each day. What I now see is that just as important as our actions are our thoughts. We have the choice to believe in the best-case scenario. To decide to not look at what lies over those other bridges unless we actually are forced to cross them.
If this is a new way of thinking to you, then you are not alone. Honestly, as I am sitting here trying to manifest my best-case scenario it feels a bit delusional. But the reality is, tomorrow hasn’t happened yet. Anything is possible. So if I can live today believing that the best-case scenario is going to come true, then I am going to live today better. I am going to appreciate what I have around me so much more. I am going to act accordingly. And maybe by doing so, I can help bring about that better tomorrow. And maybe whatever higher power it may be that you or I place our faith into is listening, and seeing that you believe that they want good things for you, too. And maybe that can be the thing that changes everything.
love,
greer