How I know I'm growing

Palermo, Sicily

October has been a roller coaster. There is no other way to describe it; every day I have woken up not knowing what to expect. But over the course of this last year, I have been working on myself, and therefore something has changed that has made this whole month bearable. The secret, I have learned, was that I recognized that I was on a ride.

I have realized that I am sailing through chaos, and life is taking me where I need to go. And even though it has been completely unexpected, none of it knocked me down so far that I could not get back up. What I realized as I was going through struggles was just how strong I was. I’ve grieved, I’ve cried. I’ve been angry. But then I got better.

I learned that I was capable of confronting even the most unexpected news. That I was capable of facing the unknown, and figuring it out. That when the time came to deal with things, I could deal with them. I feel like I have been pushed so far forward in my understanding. My understanding of how complex and confusing life can be. My compassion for others’ journeys has expanded to appreciate that we can never know what is going on in someone else’s life. My confidence has grown, and my self-esteem, too. Because now I know just how much I am capable of.

I also learned that I am certainly not in this adventure of life alone. I have leaned on people and they have been there for me - holding my hand, listening to me cry, - and getting on my back to make sure I was still getting my shit done.

And despite everything, I have continued to live. I have continued to love, to dream, and to work, while giving myself grace, compassion for my past self, and time and space to rest.

This hasn’t been the most difficult chapter of my life (so far), but I can say that I’ve never been stronger. And that gives me hope that even when things go sideways (as they tend to do, sooner or later), I will be able to handle them then, too.

So, thank you, for helping me to stand tall as I was growing. My roots have never been deeper, and I have never been able to shine so bright as I do now.

with so much love,

greer